While visiting, my Grandma says over and over "little Bridget Pahlkotter from the Bolton Rd." She grunts and shakes her head back and forth. Today when I went for my morning walk, all emotions took over. Why is she so stumped about how I became the lady I am? How did I get to where I am at? How did I get the job that I have? How was I able to get the house that I have? I had to get it off my chest, why does she or why did she have such doubt about the type of person I was going to grow into? What did I do when I was young to make people think that I would not amount to anything when I became an adult?
A couple of months ago my Grandma who is 89 years old said to me over the phone, "Bridget I want to come to California for Christmas.". OK! Whatever Grandma wants Grandma gets. Because her hometown is in Timbuktu Michigan, there are only a few flights to and from her hometown. The next best airport is around a 5-hour drive to and from. At her age, she cannot drive that far so I purchased the tickets (after she was for sure going to come).
When she is here and when I am around her, a lot of memories pop up. Some not-so-good memories. Usually, the memories are based on how I was treated when I was growing up and of course my Mom.
The next thing I thought while on my walk was, "Should I bring up my feelings to her? She is here for Christmas and I don't want to make any waves with her visit plus she is 89, do I want to make her upset?" But when I got back I did ask the question. "Grandma, why do you keep on asking the question? Why did you doubt what type of lady I would turn into?" She just looked at me and said: "I didn't doubt you I am just surprised." And then I cannot remember what came after that. And then I went into how I felt like I was never a part of the family and how everyone just knew me as "Susie's Daughter".
