Now What?

 Now that the three of us are in Phoenix, now what?  It is funny when I watch TickTock and see clips about Gen Xers not giving a fuck about anything and not being scared of anything.  It is so true!  We grew up differently and my two friends and I fit right smack dab within the description of what a Gen Xer is.  I mean, we just hit "adulthood" and traveled from small towns in upper Michigan and the U.P. and drove to Arizona via paper fold-up map by ourselves, eating spaghetti-o's and fruit cocktails from the can so we didn't have to spend money on food and doing so in a two-seater car with no actual trunk.  We end up in the literal "hood" of Phoenix (not exaggerating with the term hood) with the only actual fear being how we were going to get a job to start making money.  

    Funny side note story to give you an image of where we were living....the day we got there or the next day, my friend and I decided it is a good time to call home and tell our families we got to Phoenix safe.  We had to use phone cards at the time to call home on a pay phone, yes a pay phone and we put our ears against the phone to speak.  We actually didn't know what type of neighborhood we were in because we had never been around a neighborhood like the one my Mom lived in before and basically we didn't know good neighborhoods from bad ones and we just plain didn't care.  As we were walking down the road to the payphone we were approached by a pregnant lady who was holding the hand of a toddler who was not any older than 2 years old, both were pretty darn dirty.  The lady was actually a pretty large woman compared to my friend and me with hair going everywhere in literally every direction.  The lady says "Do you have crystal?" I looked at my friend confused thinking why does she want A crystal?  My friend looks at her and says no and grabs my hand really fast to walk away.  I looked at my friend and say "Why does she want a crystal?, you have one around your neck" My friend says "No Dummy! She is talking about the drug!"  Even after my friend said that to me I was stumped...drug?  What was crystal?  Not till later I thought about how bad I felt for that child she was dragging down the street with her.  

     Back to that Gen Xer that we are; the entirety of "figuring it out on your own" was real with us.  We needed to figure it out on our own how to survive in the new huge city (remember we were all from small little itty bitty towns in Michigan) on our own.  I didn't have a parent to ask for help.  BUT BUT BUT!!!.... have no fear I had Susie there! 

     Believe it or not, my Mom told us how to hustle for money.  She told us, if you need money, go to the corner gas station put on our pretty smiles, look cute and ask men for some extra cash to fill up the little ol' Fiero even if we had enough gas.  And yes people it worked!  

   Was it safe?  Absolutely not!  However, we did what we needed to do to make it work. 

     

Will be cursing in this post

 This morning as I was walking my dog when my memories started.  Sometimes I know what will trigger a memory of my past and my Mom.  Sometimes it is a certain smell, or when I am looking at jewelry.  I remember her loving turquoise with silver.  She wore the big turquoise rings and silver bracelets.  Not sure why she wore so many rings because unfortunately, our genes did not pass down the beautiful long thin fingers like you may see some women have.  Sometimes a trigger may be me seeing someone walk similar to the way my Mom walked.  I actually had a friend tell me "I like how your Mom walks".  She did have a special type of walk.  She has long legs and would almost seem as though she walked on her toes.  I will tell you that she always had great posture.  Always kept her shoulders back and her stomach tucked in, I never recall my Mom slouching.  

This memory sorta starts from where I left off after the three of us moved in with my Mom for a few days at least.  As you know, my Mom didn't live in the greatest area in Phoenix.  It was the hood. My friends didn't judge.  I guess we were so happy to be in a big city and we were just excited to get out and explore.  Had no idea where we really were, and we were completely invincible, blind, and just down-right ignorant to the area we were at.  Even later that day or the next day when my friend and I walked to the payphone to call home to let our family know we got to Phoenix safely when big lady with hair all over the place and a toddler in tow came up to us and asks us "do you have any crystal?".  My ignorant self looked at my friend puzzled and whispered to her "you have one around your neck" my friend looked at me and says "No dummy!  She is not asking about that type of crystal, she is asking if we have the type you smoke!".  I just started laughing and we both just started walking away (maybe running) from the lady to the payphone.  And at night there would be gunfire.  Still didn't phase us.  

I did get phased when I used the bathroom in my Mom's apartment and saw these old pantyhose hanging from the doorknob on the back of the door.  It seemed odd when I noticed that the hose were tied to have knots throughout them, and what looked like splotches of blood.  I knew exactly what that was, I knew exactly what I was looking at hanging from the back of the door.  These were ties she used to tie off her veins when she was shooting herself up!  I grabbed them and went out to her asked her "what the hell are these?"  She made up some bullshit about her using them when she gets a cut from shaving her legs.  I didn't say anything more because I didn't have to.  She knew what I was getting at and turns around and grabs them and says "see baby, I will throw them in the trash!".  I was still pissed.  But there was nothing I could do, I brought my friends to Phoenix to "save" my Mom and I had to stay there, we had no money and nowhere else to go!  

Do you remember when I posted she was never alone? Or any addicts never start their drugs of choice alone?  That she always had someone else to get the drugs for her?  That is so true!  That nasty greasy, nasty buck-toothed mother fucker called "Skip" was the one that she couldn't live without, the one "that gives me things" "he is good to me Bridget" was outside the next day in the back seat of someone's car with his nasty ass hanging his greasy arms into the front seat making an "exchange" in the car.  Skip was her provider, this is how he kept her happy.

Road Trip of a Lifetime!

 Three girls from small towns in Michigan, only 18 and 19 years old, did the craziest, scariest, and funniest thing a girl our age could do.  Packed up what we could put in a "trunk" of a Fiero and headed out.  When we were driving through Chicago and getting on and off our first "big city" on-and-off ramp, this one completed a full circle.  I was driving; it was dark, and I was scared as hell to drive on that ramp.  We all screamed the entire time we were on the ramp.  

  Our plan was to drive all of the ways through to Phoenix.  Why not?  We had three drivers, right?  Well, it sounded like a great plan that was almost pulled off.  However, we never thought that three people in a two-seated vehicle would be uncomfortable and not very sleepable.  We did pack food to eat along the way; we ate spaghetti'os out of the can and apple sauce or canned fruit (I believe). I don't remember stopping to eat; we only stopped to use the bathroom (maybe).  We would check out the boys that would drive beside us and make signs to say something to them; we would laugh and have a good time with people that would be driving past us on the freeways, young and old.  We had a good time.  

     Well, our plan of driving all of the ways through didn't plan out too well. While driving through the northern part of Texas, I remember Amarillo, Texas, because I thought the name of it was funny, and I could swear we actually seen a real armadillo. Still, it could have just been the fact that all of the signs in Amarillo had an armadillo on them. I must have fallen asleep at the wheel because suddenly when I woke up, I was driving in the desert!  All dirt!  It seemed like that anyway. I guess luck was on my side, and we didn't run into anything like a pole or another car.  After I got back on the road, we stopped somewhere we thought would be safe to get a few hours of sleep.  It was scary, but we all slept in the cramped car.   It only took a few minutes for all of us to sleep for around 4 hours, but it felt like 10 hours.   

     Going into New Mexico, we ran into a wind storm and actually had seen our first tumbleweeds tumbling across the roads.  It was so great for us!  We have only seen stuff like that one TV.  But now that I think about it, it really was not great and we could have gotten pretty hurt.  

     We got to Phoenix and we needed to find out where my Mom lived and actually call the folks in Michigan to let everyone know we made it.  So we got to this little itty bitty torn down house in a sketchy neighborhood that was actually scary.  When we got out and took in the heat that just hit us, I knocked on the door.  A greasy grubby man with a big belly, long grey hair and beard greeted us at the door with no shirt on.  He was nice to us, and let us in.  All types of emotions were going through me at that time.  Is this the right house?  What will I see?  What will my friends think?  We don't have any more money and we don't have any where else to stay!  I don't know if my friends walked in with me or not at that time.  

     So, as I walk in I didn't see my Mom right away, she didn't come to me.  I walked in a little more and look to my left....In the middle of the living room I see my Mom sitting smack-dab in the middle of the floor with her legs in a criss-crossed style. She was almost falling over, mouth a little open, eyes rolling back.  

    I can picture this trance she was in to this day.